U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
