i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you win again, gameday.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
