Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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