I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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