Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
