The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The adults are the big ones right?
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