Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
