Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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