my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
