Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
