U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
