You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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