i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
