at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize