we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
