Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
COCAINE IS GR8
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
