Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
