I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
