He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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