just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
