Michael Bay diarrhea
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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