saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize