i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
