And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize