I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
