I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
