Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She bit a glass in half.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
