I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
this is an emotional support booty call
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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