Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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