Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
