Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think your dad took our porno
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
