We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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