I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
