Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
