do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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