I need help removing her.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
40s are totally the cure
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
