So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
