i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
