Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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