I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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