anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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