She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
