Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
