so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
