I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
