i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
