so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
