Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
