Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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