u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
