I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
