how can u be prego again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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