your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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