My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
