idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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