You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize