Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I believe in your delicious
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
