I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
