ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize