I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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