you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
