I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love you. Go after that dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
