We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We left an ass print on the piano.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
