Christians are straight up FREAKS
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
