What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
