She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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