I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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