I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
