Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize