hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
