Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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