I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
